Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
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