too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
Randomize
