The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Randomize
