Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
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