my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
Randomize
