You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
Randomize
