She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
Randomize
