if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
