I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
