don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
Randomize
