at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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