my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
Randomize
