I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
