all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
Pants are for mortals
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
Randomize
