okay pat passed out under dana's car
Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
Randomize
