I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
Randomize
