Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Randomize
