honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
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