he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
Randomize
