That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Randomize
