god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
Screwed.edu
i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
Randomize
