Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize
