I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
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