Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
