whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
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