Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
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