maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
Randomize
