I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
