I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
