tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
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