I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
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