my phone needs a breathalizer
My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
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