I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
Randomize
