You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
Randomize
