I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
Randomize
