seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
Randomize
