her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
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