Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
Randomize
