I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
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