Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
