I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
Who died my cat blue again?
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
Randomize
