I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
She even gives head with a lisp.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
Everyone says I win the strip club
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
Randomize
