Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
But i just feel like he will pull it out and ill panic. I mean its fairly basic. Up and down. But i feel like ill just freak out.
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
BRING THE BAGELS
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
Randomize
