Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
Randomize
