moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
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