Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
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