Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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