I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
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