I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
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