my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
Randomize
