Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
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