dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
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