Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize
