Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
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