nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
you never un-have a 4some
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
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