My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
My hand turned me down
i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
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