Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
I party with great urgency now.
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
Randomize
