New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize
