His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
They took my balls.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
