Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
Randomize
