Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
Randomize
