Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
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