Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
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