you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
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