in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
