I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
Such a big mess for such a small penis
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
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