I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
