Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
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