I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
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