Don't you send me to vm
I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Randomize
