she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
